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Spoke too soon. First day again not going to happen. I don’t think it’s ever going to happen at this point. It’s getting so ridiculous. Thinking of different career choices where I can be there every day…

So, I’m sitting here at my desk. Just waiting. I’ve been so bored for about the last month. But today is day #1 at my new job. I’m not as nervous as I was on Monday which was supposed to be my first day, but the little girl got sick. And my start date got pushed back. So recap of the last three days: drink hot chocolate, sit in sweat pants, watch old videos on youtube, day dream, and work on my novel! Yes, I’ve been working on a novel. So far in my own bias opinion: it sucks. But I’m working on it! And hopefully one day I will feel totally comfortable with other people and total strangers reading it. For now, I feel like I’m the most insecure person. I sent a copy of the first several chapters to a friend and nearly had a panic attack when I sent it. And that was just a draft! So…I’m working on that too!

With this new job I’m not sure how much time I will allot myself to work on it because I will be having another job. I’m thinking I’m going to be pretty busy putting a lot of hours into work, but I’m going to shoot for an hour a day. It’s realistic for me because I am so easily distracted that an hour is dispersed over several hours.

So as I sit here bored, I’m not working and I’m not working on the novel, so I thought I’d put it on Tumblr! So you can read about my anxiety and insecurities! And just the simple fact that I haven’t posted on Tumblr in awhile…Have a good day everyone!

Today was pretty much filled with controversy and I felt like I should put my two cents in as well. My heart breaks for Caylee who left the world way way too soon. She would be 5 years old and should be preparing for kindergarten and playing outside, letting her beautiful spirit shine. However, she is not and will never enjoy the spoils of the world such as sleepovers with girlfriends and gushing over a boy (even if that boy would happen to be Justin Bieber). I believe Caylee is in heaven alongside the angels with all of the other children whose murders remain unsolved. Caylee was sent to earth with a purpose which we may not have discovered yet but I’m sure she was sent to send a message to all of us.

Many are livid about the decision the jury made today, and I don’t really have an opinion on this except to say that I have enough faith in our justice system that if there is some kind of reasonable doubt within a jury the right thing to do is to provide a not guilty verdict which I’m hoping is what occurred in this case. This is not to say that Casey Anthony is not guilty in my eyes, I believe she committed this terrible crime.

If Casey is given the benefit of a doubt and did not commit this crime, I would hope to God that she would act like any caring and loving mother would and never end the search for her daughter’s killer.

That being said, whether Casey committed this crime or not, Caylee WILL receive justice. It definitely wasn’t today and it may not occur for years to come, and although she is in a much better place, she deserves the luxury of having her killer being brought to justice and living their life wracked with guilt, which may in the end be a better punishment. It puts me at peace knowing that Caylee is smiling in heaven and does not have a care and there are no more tears for her, and I also take peace knowing that one day her killer will be judged by a much higher power.

I hope that maybe this has given you all a little peace as well.

“The Children’s Last Word” by Sara Russell, 2006
Between all death and birth
We walk the cloudways of the endless sky;
We never asked to find this way to fly.

Between Heaven and Earth
And all levels of Hell, we watch and wait,
For justice done, before it is too late.

For every murdered child
We fly with all prevailing winds of change,
For any quirk of fate we may arrange.

We are not “meek” or “mild”;
Don’t turn your back when twilight dims the sky -
We’ll haunt the perpetrators till they die!